Amber Thee Human

For me, therapy was the closest I had ever gotten to speed dating. There are not only SO many different therapists out there, but there are also SO many different styles of therapy out there. How would I find one right for me?

My partner at the time had asked me to move out, yet remain in a relationship. I had already been looking for a therapist before then due to me not handling my new nursing career as effortlessly as I thought I would*. As I sat crying, alone, on my second night at my new place (that I didn’t even want), I decided to set an intention on my future therapist. I got really clear on what I wanted and what I wanted to feel with a therapist. I wiped my eyes in the silence and began writing. I scribbled in my little boy handwriting “My Intentions”. My intentions were as followed**: I need a therapist who will call me out on my bullshit***.  I don’t want a ‘cheerleader’ therapist. I want a therapist that will be real with me, even if it hurts. I want a therapist who SEES me. I want a therapist who guides me towards insights I have yet to discover, allowing me to come to my own conclusions at my own time. I want a therapist who is willing to give me homework. I want an lgbtq therapist, who is a man. I want a therapist who can joke and isn’t afraid to use curse words, or to hear them. I want a therapist who is spiritual. I want a therapist who is compassionate. I want a therapist that’s honest. I want a therapist that is willing to refer me if an issue isn’t their specialty and they know someone who may handle that certain topic better. I want a therapist who tells me the thing I didn’t even know I needed to hear. 

Behold, Brenton.

I found Brenton in a sea of therapists I had messaged. At the time I was still living on my own and still in my relationship, having phone calls with multiple therapists because I just had a gut feeling my life was going to crash down in the biggest way****. I had met with six men and one woman before my phone call with Brenton. I had listened to a video of him speaking online and I immediately knew he would be the one. During our initial fifteen minute phone call it was like catching up with an old friend. We laughed and there were curse words exchanged. I decided pretty quickly that this was the therapist I was going to commit to. And commit I have.

Life did crash shortly after that phone call, even harder than I thought it would. What hasn’t crashed? My relationship and commitment to my therapist.

A little word of advice: Therapy is fucking great, no matter who you are or where you’re at in life. NEVER feel guilty or “fucked up” for getting a therapist. It helps you practice the skill of talking to another individual outside of your ego, in a calm manner, and talking through trauma/triggers in a conscious state.

My drive for a therapist wasn’t for anyone else, it was for me. I was sick of nursing giving me anxiety to the point of not sleeping, along with a laundry list of other things I desperately wanted to improve. I committed to being better. Not perfect, but better. To finding a way to let love in so I could let love out.

Finding Brenton was the biggest blessing I didn’t know I needed. It was hard to find exactly what I was looking for, but I didn’t settle for just anyone. I searched until I came across who was meant for me, crossing off the intentions of what I wanted effortlessly. As stated previously, I think everyone should have a therapist. Finding one isn’t simple but getting clear on your intention can help. If you’re unsure and you’re a few sessions deep and feel it in your gut that that’s not your therapist, don’t feel bad for moving on. This is a huge commitment and a huge journey, don’t settle for just anyone. If you are making this transition and looking, I’m proud of you. You’re on the right track.

*Lets be real here, I was mentally and emotionally depleted and struggling as a new baby nurse mid pandemic/post pandemic and I needed help that I wasn’t asking for.

**I know because I still have the paper that I wrote them out on.

***My past therapists had all just validated me and never said “hey, that was wrong of you”. ***Even if I had just stated something that I KNEW was wrong, my past therapists tended to try and validate my why – but I never wanted that and I didn’t want that now. I don’t want or need validated for messing up. I’m human and it’s bound to happen.

****a solid intuition I’ve learned to fucking listen to.